KPLI Reflection

Wow, it's like I have the remote control macam dalam movie 'Click'... Time flies and here I am...i have completed my KPLI with a fulfilled, satisfied feeling... There were many ups and downs, both professionally and personally... Well, that is what 'experience' is for... As I sloganized in this blog 'experience is teacher'.

A must to mention here is that I am now a changed and a better person (I hope). Right when i finished KPLI, Kursus n interview, I posted a status in my FB as follows:

KPLI is over. I'm now a changed person. I might say I'm now a better teacher, yet I'm more of a better student. Thank U IPG Gaya, the lecturers, Mr.Lourdes Nagarajan,TESLians (will miss u guys soo much), fellow KPLI trainees, my students, SK Inanam Laut, and Sang Kancil friends for this experience! I've learnt a lot. TQ!!!

Well, that sums it all for now...;)

BIG annoying Q: Bila Kahwin??

How funny it is to annoy an already annoying person??hakhakk...;) Yes, I'm an annoying person in most circumstances. i ask questions a lot and my mother often says, 'si penyiasat ni, pigi tanya polis lah soalan mu tu". But nowadays people tend to ask me "when r u getting married?" and i get annoyed by it! Just because all other people in their tempurung little world is getting married, they expect EVERYONE should join the club a.s.a.p, they'r acting like "fashion victoms" for weddings..i'm like, get a life! Like i want to live yours anyway?? I mean there are a lot of things i want to do before getting married because half of the things in my list do not include "getting hyped over an overly priced wedding where everybdy becomes nosy n such, living in not in yr own place, having kids i cant afford to take care of, borrowing money (from my parents), asking money (from my parents), having to look after,please, and make sure everything is perfect for the husband 24 hours a day, etc." When you are mentally and emotionally not ready, you end up fighting all the time with d guy u sleep next to every night. It's better to make sure you are with the right person who ur happy to accept all of his qualities and even flaws. Also, I notice that marriage is a hard work and Im a big fan of PREPARATION. Just like a lesson plan u know...if u plan a good lesson plan with all the right methods and materials, even the scariest student can be tamed, and everybody's happy at the end of the lesson. We would even make a song about it~! Dadadaa~~

miss B knows

Broken-hearted Girl lyrics

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No...No
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No…No
No broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be…Oooo
I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me…yeah
Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away With you
yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

I don’t wanna be without my baby
I don’t wanna a broken heart
Don’t want to take a breath with out my baby
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way..No..No
I don’t want a broken heart
I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..
No broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl No…no…
No broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

for experience's sake...

i slaughtered a chicken today. Me. I still cant believe I did that... it was like in a horor movie scene..except that everything was sunny and happy in the morning...all KPLI teacher trainees were there, there were like 50 chickens being slaughtered this morning.. blood everywhere, headless chickens by d gate, some in a huge wok, some on the tables to be cleansed..I, was among the last few to do it... niat dlm hati tidak mau menyembelih sbb takut kesian... dont get me wrong, i love eating chicken meat of all meat, but hey, i believe some ppl r not born to do those things...n killing an animal so helpless n small is the last thing i'd want to do to eat...but for experience's sake, i tried...because they say, u'll never know it ntil u try right? so i obeyed...it was easy yet im NOT proud of myself...even tho its an achievement that we now know how chickens we eat evryday are slaughtered......for experience's sake.................... :(

to love is to let go

I have been talking about this thing that happend to me to a number of people like my sis and other gfs (thanx guys). Today, i want to 'write' them down... but- how can you write how you really feel with words? sbb sbnarnya dlm hati ni mcm rojak jak ku rasa....macam2 perasaan yg melanda... and to make things worse, they do contradict at times.... sometimes i feel angry, yet i feel so free... sometimes sad, but oh am i glad... i feel like im drowning in these nonsense but am glad that things went so wrong, so messed up because, in a way, Im beginning to understand one way of loving. To love is to let go.
Yes I was wronged and maybe I had my fair share of fault in that. Maybe I was too firm, too stone-headed, too disrespectful, too agressive, too loving, too caring, too clingy, too shy, too hopeful, too angry, too showy, too joyful, too open, too hot n cold, you name it. Now that i realize it, Im letting go... of this anger, frustation, and hope. And because im a hopeless romantic*sighs*, this will be a little hard to do... but God please, please, help me, give me strength to do it...help me, love me, God, so that i can learn to love right and let love go... Amin.