miss B knows

Broken-hearted Girl lyrics

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No...No
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No…No
No broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be…Oooo
I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me…yeah
Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away With you
yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

I don’t wanna be without my baby
I don’t wanna a broken heart
Don’t want to take a breath with out my baby
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way..No..No
I don’t want a broken heart
I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..
No broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl No…no…
No broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

for experience's sake...

i slaughtered a chicken today. Me. I still cant believe I did that... it was like in a horor movie scene..except that everything was sunny and happy in the morning...all KPLI teacher trainees were there, there were like 50 chickens being slaughtered this morning.. blood everywhere, headless chickens by d gate, some in a huge wok, some on the tables to be cleansed..I, was among the last few to do it... niat dlm hati tidak mau menyembelih sbb takut kesian... dont get me wrong, i love eating chicken meat of all meat, but hey, i believe some ppl r not born to do those things...n killing an animal so helpless n small is the last thing i'd want to do to eat...but for experience's sake, i tried...because they say, u'll never know it ntil u try right? so i obeyed...it was easy yet im NOT proud of myself...even tho its an achievement that we now know how chickens we eat evryday are slaughtered......for experience's sake.................... :(

to love is to let go

I have been talking about this thing that happend to me to a number of people like my sis and other gfs (thanx guys). Today, i want to 'write' them down... but- how can you write how you really feel with words? sbb sbnarnya dlm hati ni mcm rojak jak ku rasa....macam2 perasaan yg melanda... and to make things worse, they do contradict at times.... sometimes i feel angry, yet i feel so free... sometimes sad, but oh am i glad... i feel like im drowning in these nonsense but am glad that things went so wrong, so messed up because, in a way, Im beginning to understand one way of loving. To love is to let go.
Yes I was wronged and maybe I had my fair share of fault in that. Maybe I was too firm, too stone-headed, too disrespectful, too agressive, too loving, too caring, too clingy, too shy, too hopeful, too angry, too showy, too joyful, too open, too hot n cold, you name it. Now that i realize it, Im letting go... of this anger, frustation, and hope. And because im a hopeless romantic*sighs*, this will be a little hard to do... but God please, please, help me, give me strength to do it...help me, love me, God, so that i can learn to love right and let love go... Amin.

On the 1st day of August

On the 1st day of August
2009.
Bruised real bad threw my hands up.
I gave up.
I hate you.
Because I loved you.
You were soul my friend and my all.
Wouldn't ask you why or even let you see me cry.
Because after six years of romance, friendship, kinship, and bullshit...
You are dead to me.

to my damn charger

Argh! My morning went chaotic today coz i thought i had lost my wallet, dint remember where i put it...thank god my housemate found it..phew~....but am having a big problem now too...i lost my handphone charger!!! DAMN! what is today, lose-important-things-day?!!!

urgh...hope no 1 important is trying to reah me now.but i know someone is...this pisses me..friggin day.fudge.shoot! (u know to translate this) urghh!!!

to my charger, i took u for granted before...i cant live without you!!!!

IPG life...

Wweweeweew....^__^ its been a month since i've 'touched' this blog.... and it feels like just yesterday when i camme to IP Gaya...

I have so much to share...where do i begin?:) Well, I live off campus but not far tho (so thankful 4 dat). My sis n her hubby lives nearby also... This house i live in is alright, the rent is not expensive, i have good housemates (they drive me to maktab,hehe). My TESL classmates are AWESOME (i have to say that because i know some of them peeks my blog, hahaha). But they really are...awesome ppl..they like jokes i like jokes, they like eating n lepaking in the cafe i also like... We all come from different backgrounds n experience...great ppl.

My lecturers- can be rated accrdingly to scale 1-10 la...most i give 8 or 9 la...others, err 5 or 6... for some reasons. But wat's important is that they have experience in this thing-education. My tutor of course, i give 9.99 lah... if 10 no more room improvement pulok..n that's not a good thing. He's a 10 because he talks straight to d point, honest, frank, n drop dead funny! n his jokes are from real life experience, dats a plus :) i really enjoy dat guy.


So u see reader, life is so far so good... but not great. We have loads of assignments n almost everyday will we be in the field or tennis court or basketball court running around, kawat, playing ball n wat not...n to say the worst, we are all broke, getting into IPG is not cheap ok! Allowance will be issued in September ot October....hurk...i want my daddy n mommy... :(

Another Rezqi... Alhamdulillah...

NAMA: NOOR SUHAILA BINTI AHMAD

TAHNIAH ! Anda telah berjaya ditawarkan program seperti di bawah :

I am happy... extremely happy that i got both KPLI and DPLI intake at the same time because I have proved myself worthy of both these 1-year courses. I thank Him, the Almighty, for giving me the motivation to educate children regardless of what I will choose: to be teaching in Primary or in Secondary school. They need me now.

KOD PROGRAM : AT06D

NAMA PROGRAM : TESL

IPTA : UNIVERSITI PENDIDIKAN SULTAN IDRIS (UPSI)

URL SURAT TAWARAN : http://www.upsi.edu.my/tawaran

CATATAN :Calon berjaya Diploma Pendidikan perlu mencetak Surat Tawaran IPTA dan Surat Penajaan KPM (sementara) mulai 18 hingga 25 Jun 2009 manakala Surat Tawaran Rasmi akan dihantar oleh IPTA.

Alhamdulillah... What more can I say?

SUKACITA DIMAKLUMKAN ANDA BERJAYA DITAWARKAN UNTUK MENGIKUTI PROGRAM KPLI ATAU KPLI-SR LPBS j-QAF AMBILAN KHAS JUN 2009
MAKLUMAT TAWARAN ADALAH SEPERTI BERIKUT

NAMA:
NOOR SUHAILA AHMAD

KURSUS:
BAHASA INGGERIS

TEMPAT:
INST PEND GURU MALAYSIA KAMPUS GAYA
PETI SURAT 10491 88805
KOTA KINABALU , SABAH

TARIKH LAPOR DIRI DI IPG:
22-JUN-2009

MASA:
8.30 PAGI

The Moment(s) of Truth Happens This Week

Tomorrow. And then Friday. It's like waiting for Eid after long challenging days of Fasting and patience... It will be worth it...Whatever result it might be. I am hopeful, praying and happy that my wait is finally going to end. It's like I've been waiting and not realising that I was actually an umemployed person for months! ;)



After my contract ended in SMTT in December, I applied for GSTT earlier this year, it was later in March that I found out I wasn't qualified because of my age. Yes, it was the sole reason I was rejected. I was informed that they now have a new ruling that GSTT applicants must be 24++ year olds. I do not know why. So i never bothered and applied for KPLI and DPLI, and decided to wait, while I tutor kids at home and a few thru the internet. No income, as sorry I could possibly be, but thank Lord my parents understands.



My stay at home had been meaningful and a revelation for me. Meaningful because I have finally learned to get along (communication-wise) with my parents. I have always been a stone headed, middle child, who never listens, demanding, and the oh-so-rebellious type!(I did made my mom cry a few times when I was a teen and am NOT proud of it). But my 24-hour stay in this house after i graduated had somehow made me feel important, needed (I helped around, and cooked), and I had more time to not only spend time with my parents, cook for them, but also TALKED to them. I can suprise myself by saying that they are my FRIENDS now. How it happened, I can't describe it with words but looking at what I have been through for the past months, time is all you need.



I am glad with the time I spent on whatever I did lately. Because when the time you're waiting for comes, it's worth it, and is always meant to be.

Channelling my Feelings...

This song is more or less is what i'm feeling lately... A song by Ada Band, from their album a couple of years back...

As i listened, yes, it hit me... made me all gloomy and sad too (damn song!). Imagine being in a relationship of 6 years with a man you know as a friend, a listener, a boyfriend and also a family. But as you grow up together, you begin to grow apart... I don't know what's happening. *sobs*




Dahulu terasa indah
Tak ingin lupakan
Bermesraan selalu jadi
Satu kenangan manis

Tiada yang salah
Hanya aku manusia bodoh
Yang biarkan semua ini permainkanku
Berulang ulang ulang kali


Reff :
Mencoba bertahan sekuat hati
Layaknya karang yang dihempas sang ombak
Jalani hidup dalam buai belaka
Serahkan cinta tulus di dalam takdir

Tak ayal tingkah lakumu
Buatku putus asa
Kadang akal sehat ini
Belum cukup membendungnya

Hanya kepedihan
Yang selalu datang menertawakanku
Engkau belahan jiwa
Tega menari indah di atas tangisanku

Reff :
Mencoba bertahan sekuat hati
Layaknya karang yang dihempas sang ombak
Jalani hidup dalam buai belaka
Serahkan cinta tulus di dalam takdir

Tapi sampai kapankah kuharus
Menanggungnya kutukan cinta ini
Bersemayam dalam kalbu

Bridge :
Semua kisah pasti ada akhir
Yang harus dilalui
Begitu juga akhir kisah ini
Yakinku indah

ceh!

Puas aku marah2 & penat tggu result KPLI... Ditunda la pulak.... Hmph....... tatau nak cakap apa lg....

Menunggu Panggilan Kemasukan KPLI Jun 2009

Tunggu dan tunggu. Waiting is all i can do right now. tawakkal. berserah. Whatever the result say i will accept it with an open heart. Because that's what grown-ups do. But to think of it, some people in the Kementerian Pelajaran is are not so grown up in the head. KPLI result was supposed to come out today. So we assume today, starting from 12 a.m. anyone could check their status whether they are successful or not. But no, nothing came out on the website about KPLI June intake!Not even a notice of POSTPONEMENT! For me, i slept early last night, with the thought of "maybe the website will be busy by then and better check them in the morning when u'r all fresh and together with the whole family because anything happens, the beloved ones are there for me"... But guess what? since morning, well maybe not so morning, *lol*, i've been sitting in front of thwe computer and nothing appears on the friggin website. Now is 4.26 P.m. I guess if the people in the Kementerian is still not being professional about this. The other day, if i'm not mistaken, the results for KPLI interviews were postopned for a week, and then another 2 or 3 days. What happened? Were there any reasons or explanations? No. I know that patience is needed for us applicants, but are'nt there any remorse on their side?not one bit? Most people are not lucky enough to have facillities like the internet at home. Some KPLI applicants are even bambong (Tawau vernacular for 'the unemployed'). God. *eyes rolled* In foreign countries, which i experienced and know of, the government communication with its citizens is the primary concern form of communication. People depend on the government. We people want to get into the governnment through KPLI for God sake. *eyes tired of rolling up*... Is this the example that there are portraying?!

DPLI Interview

Im back! :) As promised, this post will be about my DPLI interview. So there i was, in UITM (Tawau branch) at 8.30 am, filled a form, and sat with all the other applicants. I met some schoolmates and a collegue from SMTT. We chatted and I realised that i was the only one applying for TESL and the others are mostly Perniagaan or Perdagangan or something. Weird. Minutes later, there were facillitators calling us one by one, assessed our forms and conducted a color blind test. When it was my turn, they said I'd be selected for sure because my degree suits tesl. Point taken, I said, but then, you'll never know.. I was not really nervous about this interview, i don't know why...

It didn't take long for my turn. I knocked on the door, greeted the 2 fellows(who were lecturers from UMS), gave them my file (of original certificates, KPLI interview needed us to have copies of certificated ones), and waited for the offer to sit. He spoke Bahasa Malaysia to me, so i replied in Bahasa too. The other officer noticed my documents and asked me to speak in English.

I started to introduce myself, my name, when n where i graduated from, and then my teaching experience. He asked why i wanted to be a teacher, i told them that its a dream since school, my idols and guide are my teachers, my parents are teachers and finally a promising lifestyle a person can achieve teaching.

The next quiry suprised me, he said 'why, would you want to choose UMS of all universities?' His tone was quite 'demeaning' a little...Padahal diorang lectuer UMS pun. So I said that UMS is nearer to my hometown and that I do think UMS has its own reputation. I heard good things about it, like its research and efforts on the environment. I am a person who is concerned about the environment, sirs. (hihi,honestly, true, of course!)

Later, we talked about students' current issues, especially on students' less interests in English, especially those in the rural areas. I started to suggest ways to increase their interests, change their perceptions on English, having fun attractive activities they can participate in, and have trips to the towns where English is everywhere and what not. Basically, it all comes down to people are not able to survive or be successfull without knowing even a little abput English language, the language of information, not the language of mere identity (for Malaysians).

After that, he still underlined to me that teaching students with these kind of problems are difficult and that most teachers nowadays would only teach and finish the syllabus per se, without ever wanting to really teach and make sure every student achieves something. So then I shared about my view or shall i say philosophy of teaching- teaching is not just about teaching, but to learn, and a great teacher do not only teach the students but they learn from them as well. How do teachers learn from students? It is in his/her awareness of the students' progress by looking at their response, accepting their opinions, and then realizes that the learning process really did happen at that time. I like participation in class, so that we don't only teach a subject matter, but also a skill, a communication skill, whether it is between teacher to student, or student to fellow student, or a student to the whole audience/class.

"So is it not about the money as a teacher?the salary?" No of course not sir. The real 'salary' is given by God. Our deeds that we do as teachers. It is to teach.


They said that's all Suhaila, thank you. I thank them too.

*end of interview*

KPLI & DPLI

It went well. Both of them. My KPLI (Kursus Perguruan Lepasan Ijazah) and DPLI (Diploma Pendidikan Lepasan Ijazah) interview for TESL course. For those who dont know KPLI and DPLI is a 10-months course that qualifies a post-graduate to become a teacher. KPLI is for those who will be teaching in primary schools and DPLI for secondary, community colleges or polytech colleges. I was lucky enough to be selected to sit for the examinations and made through both interviews. Thousands have applied.

Going through the application was not easy, for KPLI especially, one would have to sit for Mtest, an asessment about personality, arithmetic skill, and what not. The interview on the other hand, consits of 3 parts; the witten test, the group discussion asessment, and the individual interview. Mine went okay the other day, I was the last person to be called in for the individual interview so there were no more nervousness. LOL. The 'butterflies' in my stomach were actually tired of waiting.

As for DPLI, Medsi is the name of the examination. This one needs applicants who obtained degrees with CGPA 2.75 and above. Mine, 3.0 above, no problemo~ LOL. Anyways, the Medsi exam was quite easy, just to test one's personality and interests towards teaching. There were multiple choice answers, 300 questions to be answered within 1 hour.

The part I remember most in this experience is none other than the interview itself. For KPLI individual interview, as i mentioned, was tiring, all because of the waiting. I had to be there before 11 am, and it ended at 2/3 pm. Yes, imagine that. The panel interviewer were both men, lecturers from Maktab Gaya, KK. The questions were:

1/ what have you prepared for this interview?
A- i have read and equipped myself with some information about the history, status, and issues of education in this country. My sources were texbooks, reference books, magazines, newspapers, and some from the internet. (at this point my butterflies came back, fearing questions i have no idea of!!!)

2/ Good. You are teaching?
A- Currently no. My teaching contract ended in December as a GSTT. And then..blah blah blah...

3/ Can you share one sweet memory while you were teaching?
A- (i started smiling, like a kid who were given some chocs)It had to be during the camping trip to Balung River, it was a motivational, come induction course for GSTT from the school..blah blah blah...(what we did)

4/ What makes a great teacher?
A- (O gosh i thought) A great teacher must not only teach, but also learn from students. Reaching out for them is important, knowing them and engaging them in the teaching-learning process can make learning much more effective and memorable.( I started to state some of my personal experience..)I think i either bored or ammused the panels.. they looked at me weirdly..

5/ Alright. Can you describe these certificates of theatre performances? Were you active in acting?
A- My involvements of extra curricular activities in the university were basically 3 things; theatre, writing, and community service. For theatre, our production called 'Skylark Production' did 2 major performances, one was for English Aprreciation Week, and another was The Literary Appreciation Week.

6/ what did you do in Literary Appreciation Week?
A- I acted. And this was a musical theatre, so there was some singing. However it was challenging because in IIUM, female students shouldnt be singing in performnces but people loved it nevertheless. (the singing was not to promote the beauty of one's voice but merely a story telling in a melody...). he made me promise to have these kinds of activities done in schools if i become an English teacher 1 day.

7/ Since you are quite an expert on the language, can you describe about the grammar?
A- I started to state kinds of sentences, elements in a sentence, tenses (and God knows what came out of me..) Then hr asked the difference between a Verb and Adverb. Easy like peanut this. Cant imagine if the interviewer was Sir Grammatical Analysis, the Australian, my lecturer. LOL.

8/ Good. So do you have any questions?
A- Not for now sir, no.

*end of interview*


DPLI interview questions will be in the next post. I have to run. Good day~

Once..

Once i killed an elephant in my pajamas... why he was in my pajamas? I'll never know why...

Ask Me Again

*W*H*O*
who is your best friend?
-they knw who thy are~ untuk makhluk yg ada d sini, leha..u r my bff toOO!!

who do you like?
-honest, outgoing, moderate, humble, funny, cool, respectful, beautiful, n all "-ful" people..:)

who is your mom?
-she is a great, wonder, super woman~

who owns your house?
-i dont hv one yet..i liv with my dady n momy..so its theirs..hee~

who bought you the clothes your wearing?
-me n only me. i like buying my own thgs,i hv my own taste tq!

who is at your house?
-my familee

who loves you?
-my familee :) everibodee.. (kalau student aku spell mcm ni aku bg mkn kaki..huhu)

who said hey to you today?
-jiran, dia naik moto aku main basikal..huhu

who are you talking to right now?
-no1

who was your ex-boy/girlfriend?
-_ _ _ _ _ _ fill in the blanks..;)


*W*H*A*T*

what town do you live in?
-Tawau, Sabah

what are your pet peeves?
- not many..i like animals regardless

what are you wearing?
-t n sweatpants

what do your teeth look like?
-like teeth lah.n its straight n pretty awesome! :D

what are you doing in an hour?
-watch awani. or utube.:)

what is your middle name?
-i aint got none

what is your deepest secret?
-like im gonna tell...bluekkk :P

what are you doing tomorrow?
-urgh...dont remind me.

what is your boy/girlfriends middle name?
-got none

what is in this for you?
-in wha? what?

what is your favorite thing(s) to do?
-ooOoh..right nw i like 2 take a drive around aimlessly..huhuu...

what are you sitting on?
-m not sitting :)

*W*H*E*R*E*

where are you at right now?
-on d bed

where were you at at 12 noon today?
-home

where is your toothbrush at?
-d bathroom lah

where do you sleep?
-in d bedroom *chuckles*

where do you live?
-in a home *lol*

where were you at at 7pm yesterday?
-kitchen :)

where is your boy/girl friend?
-at home

where are your parents?
-downstairs

where did you put your bookbag?
-on d shelf sumwher

where do you keep your socks?
-in d drawer lah


*W*H*E*N*

when are you getting a job?
-oh soon..m figuring out what i really want

when did you graduate?
-last year

when will you grow up?
-aik..sarcastic huh?!

when are you going to call your friend?
-i will soon..still got d 8pax free, bday gift frm celcom

when did you get home last night?
-err..

when are you going to stop taking surveys?
-i dnt knw.. :)

when was the last time you had a fruit smoothie?
-i had vanilla smoothie yestrday~

when are you getting married?
-when d time's right

*W*H*Y*

why are you taking this?
-i dont know~

why are you weird?
-'coz normal's boOOoring..

why are you wearing what your wearing right now?
-uhuh? *confused*

why dont you have friends?
-i got friends silly

why cant you get a boy/girl friend?
-i got one.i'll keep him

why do you live where your at?
-bcause its my home

*H*O*W*

how do you fix your hair?
-d barber does it. i just shampoo n condition..

how are the kids?
-who?

how many hours do you spend on the computer?
-not more thn 3

how many TV shows do you watch?
-many.

how did you find this survey?
-good.interesting.although not veri relevant.

how do you like it so far?
-its alrite

how do you make sharpies?
-i dunno

how many sharpies do you own?
-do i hv 1?

how often do you say I love you?
-enough~

Ask Me

Here are some questions I'd like to answer..

I Am:

Sue. My parents call me "adik", siblings "choo", friends "sue, suhaila, toton, peng", online name "sue_she" ^^

I Want:

to be successful in life, not just in career life but family life too.

I Have:

it goin' on~! yeah!!! ^____^

I Wish:

just wish, that u would be here right now...

I Hate:

having nothing to do..thats y did this;)

I Fear:

nothing!haha..not..i fear of being fearful or fearless..regardless..

I Hear:

weird stories all d time.. orang jadi batu, baby ular, kena rasuk...etc. etc.

I Search:

using google..d best search engine in my opinion...altavista pun ok gak..

I Wonder:

how...i wonder why.. u told me by the blue blue sky...dadadadadadidada...

I Regret:

some things...sumtimes i just say wht i think n then regret it but sumtimes i regret not having to say anything...happens evryday...:(

I Love:

being loved n to love..aiseh! n ooh..i loOOove L.O.V.E :) best feeling we can hv

I Ache:

when im ill

I Always:

get confused.

I Usually:

am pretty n preppy. wahahha! ;)

I Am Not:

going to delete ths blog... ngeee!(i deleted several of my blogs b4)

I Dance:

when i feel like it!! it just happen! usually when alone lah...or with kids around..;)

I Sing:

when i feel like it too!i like to singalong evrytime i knw most lyrics of d song m listening to.

I Never:

ever went to Paris....wanna go sumday~

I Rarely:

eherm..excercise.

I Cry:

when im sad. funny how i never cried when im happy or even very3x happy?i guess sadness or pain is a stronger feeling..

I Am Not Always:

good at telling others how i feel. sometimes im just good at showing them...;/

I Lose:

when i know im wrong ~

I'm Confused:

about d world at large

I Need:

to start a career

I Should:

start a career

I Dream:

of one good career~ n do some sort of business tooO~

Just Turned 23

Two days ago i turned 23. But hey, i still feel like im 17.. :) tulang belom b'goncang lagi, kuat n mantop lagi..huhu...

Yes, this cat is very insulting. But i'm not..LOL. I do want you to stick around n read... Here i go.. ;)